balance

Yesterday the sky was blue and the ferns on the trees where I run and hike had turned a glorious bright green from all the rain. I passed a woman who was accompanied by her very happy dogs. We exchanged hellos and she said,"Just being here could put anyone in a good mood!". I agreed! Balance. Always balance, the difficult things we have to do in life, care for an ill parent, take care of our own mental and physical health- this can be daunting... and then there is the trail in the woods with the wildflowers just blooming purple and red and the bright green ferns growing on the trees...

how to stay calm when a parent is in the hospital

This morning, early , I thought I heard the faint sound of my cell ringing in the other room, I was half awake and at 6:30 in the morning I know what it was going to be about. my mom...I laid in bed for a long while , until I saw some light come through my window. I needed all the sleep I could since I know that once I took the voicemail it would be the end of the calm of the night.
I finally got up and it was my mom's doctor telling me that they,at the geriatric facility when she lives in NY, had decided my mom needed to be hospitalized due to ongoing complications of diabetes. She just turned 83.
I spoke at length with with Dr who gave me her time and was kind. That is so important. I got to talk to my mom and she knew she was on the way to the hospital. Her voice was weak, not the strong voice of her youth, with her easy laughter.... she was vulnerable and afraid.
I was able to talk to her in the ER and she seemed ok there but it took me so long to get through to them. Frustrating for me. Throughout the day my key thoughts are twofold- self care so I can go on and thoughts of my mom- hard to balance those two. but both so important.

so much info-who can you trust?

the short answer to that is TRUST YOURSELF! We are often so afraid of trusting ourselves because of our parents' voices from far ago that may have lead us to feel unsure or insecure. The present is happening in this loving and compassionate moment and when you hold yourself in high esteem you are able to trust yourself. Listen- you have made it up until this point so this means you have resources- inner resources -you have drawn on in the past. The wonder of it all is that it is TODAY. TODAY commit to trust yourself TODAY commit to respect yourself and love, always love, with sincerity and authenticity...

help for depression-what happens when we get ill

It may surprise you that there are many people who you may interact with daily who have what I call, " a secret pain". These are people, it might be you, who have a chronic or reoccurring illness that is painful, scary, may incapacitate you, make you feel vulnerable, bring up issues of "who" you are , bring back painful memories..... Illness can do that to us. And there are thousands of people who have diseases, syndromes, disorders that no one can see. So often other people think they are "faking", they are "lazy" , it is "all in your head". And of course, those comments make things worse and even more painful.

If this is you or if you know someone who may have a "secret pain" know one thing- When you are faced with a situation that you cannot change- you CAN change the way you think about it. You CAN change the way you respond to insensitive comments or questions, You CAN set your boundaries about what you are willing to do and what you are not will to do. YOU have the POWER to do this. Please always remember this, in the midst of pain, discomfort, suffering and even dispair. I normally don't recommend myself in these blogs but I CAN help you these issues. Please call me. The consultation is without cost, and if you choose to see me in my office for psychotherapy I will help you with these difficult issues. I know about these issues personally.

help for depression-always keep on trying

I have thinking about what happens to us when we get ill. It is easy to feel depressed if you have pain, discomfort or even have to change your diet or lifestyle. After all, most of us have "a certain way of doing things" and it might be scary to think that you might have to change to way you live. It might be very scary! So what do you do? Well you could deny your pain, your illness and just take medications that may mask the pain.... or you can look at what you CAN control. How is your diet? How is your exercise regimen? how is your stress level? Are you reading? Learning? Growing? All THESE things are in your control. If you have not been eating the most healthy diet.... Change it! wouldn't you rather feel better than eat that piece of chocolate or have that drink? Maybe you don't like to stretch or exercise.... isn't it easier to learn how to do this than get addicted to pain medication?
Always look at what you can control and focus on those areas... Why waste your precious energy on being sad about what you cannot control? Life is here for you now!