Spring is here, where are you?

Where are you? Are you in the present moment, focusing on the positive elements in your life? If you are, good for you! We all have problems, but when we are facing difficult issues we forget that this is part of the human condition. You see others and imagine that They don't have problems, just you- and this can make you feel isolated and alienated from others, which actually makes life more difficult. It is is vicious cycle of negative thoughts. Ask yourself, "where am I?". Take notice - are you stuck in the past, worrying about the future? If you notice this you have the opportunity to Come back to the present. How can you bring yourself into the present? One easy way to do this is notice a tree, a door, a bird singing, notice anything in your present that you can pay attention to. This can easily bring you back to the present. Pay attention to all of nature. If you are in an environment where you can see trees or hear birds, take notice of them, look and listen. Are the branches of the tree moving with the wind? Is a bird singing? When we take notice of the natural world we can begin to be present. All we have is the present moment. The past is gone and the future is always a mystery. Take this moment to pay attention, find a piece of nature that speaks to you. Watch and listen.... and breathe.

New Years help for anxiety and depression

As I write this the sun is shining brightly and it is perfect weather to take a hike. But it may no be so for you. So what can you do that is healthy and part of self care? When I ask my clients this question they normally have some activities they have enjoyed in the past, but because they are stressed, anxious or depressed it might be hard for them to get motivated. There's the dilemma! Doing healthy activities you love can assist you greatly in lowering depression, anxiety or general stress.... but at these times you may not be motivated to do these activities! What can you do? I have written here many, many times about the importance of changing the way we thing about things, events, ourselves... Here is a perfect opportunity to use your thoughts to motivate yourself.
Instead of saying to yourself, "I don't fell like doing _______, because I am stressed, anxious or depressed" you can start practicing saying to yourself, "I AM doing this activity because I KNOW I will feel better." Now it sounds simple, but negative thoughts can feel very strong so I invite you right NOW to practice saying"I am going to do _______________ right now because I KNOW I will feel better!" Practice saying this over and over as you get ready to leave your house and get going!
It really does work, changing your thoughts- it just takes lots of practice.

Have you decided who you want to be? Help for depression

Who we are is quite different than what we do. It is often easier to decide what profession we want in our lives than HOW we will live our lives. How we lives our lives, the quality of our life may have little to do with what we do for a living. It doesn't matter what you do for a living if you enter each day without compassion and kindness for both yourself as well as others. Think about every person you may come into contact with throughout the day. Are they kind to you? Are you kind to them? And if the answer is no, doesn't it color the entire interaction?
There are so many reasons why we forget about being kind and compassionate.. We are anxious, maybe afraid, we are depressed, maybe disappointed.. and we lose the essential quality that is a core part of our lives.. the ability we all have to be kind. Simple kindness can change lives, it can change our lives, it an change others' lives. Today, even if you are depressed, anxious, scared, disappointed, I invite you to experiment with kindness and compassion. I invite you to consciously acknowledge those you love with kindness, not complicated, not a long conversation, but a simple kindness...and breathe, always breathe as you open to this.

What are you waiting for? help for anxiety and depression

Did you ever notice that sometimes, even when you really want to take some action to change your life, you cannot because of depression or anxiety? And then you beat yourself up about it and it makes you feel worse. And then you get angry at yourself for beating yourself up.... and it goes on and on until you may notice you have been thinking negatively for a long time.
Well, this can happen to any of us, it is something the brain likes to do.... think over and over about the same thing. But there is a way to change this cycle.
I have spoken about the idea of AWARENESS many times in this blog because it is so important.... to become aware of this present moment-
What are we thinking about? Is it negative, are you thinking about the past with regret, are you thinking about the future with fear?
So now in this present moment, in fact each present you have an opportunity to change our thinking, to stop negative thoughts and fears.... but awareness of the present moment is fundamental to this. We can not change anything if we are not aware.
So.... experiment with this maybe today, this week, maybe this month... as you go about your day stop for a moment and start NOW to be aware of what you are thinking- you don't have to do anything else because the moment you are aware you have a real opportunity to say to yourself- "I am in the present moment and I AM OK". If you have to say it 100 times- say it. Because right now , as you read this you are in the present moment and you are OK.

Help for Anxiety

I have written about anxiety in my blogs but I feel the need to write about again given all the uncertainties in our lives right now. I will start with asking you to focus on this present moment and stay with this moment. As you notice something distracting you allow it to be, take notice but come back to this present moment. Did you know that all we really have, ever, is this present moment? Really- this is not a gimmick or wordplay but this present moment- this wonderful moment has the possibility to be a moment of aliveness and joy or it can be turned into a moment where the past or the future inserts itself.... and this present moment is now lost to something that is already past or might never be. This moment is the most important moment in the history of the world -because it is now and it is real and it has all the opportunities of your life embedded in it. But you have to focus on it. Notice,in this present moment, the air around you, the sounds, the smells, ,nature, maybe your dog barking and embrace the aliveness of this. and be kind to yourself- be kind in this moment and breathe a deeply alive breath, again, you are here now and you are OK - this is the reality of your life. Be present and you will be OK.

help for anxiety- when nothing is certain

All we have to do is look at the weather to verify nothing is certain! This weather can be looked at as a metaphor for our lives. We think that if we make plans and attempt to control every element of these plans that we can actually control what happens in our lives. Well, life is more complex than that! Angeles Arrien, a wonderful cultural anthropologist talks about the importance to being "open to outcome, not attached to outcome". How hard this is for most of us. For those of you with high anxieties about the future, fears about not being able to control the future- you have an opportunity to think about your goals differently... It is all about HOW YOU THINK ABOUT THINGS. You can gain some control over changing your thoughts but it takes lots of practice.
If you develop the mantra-" I am open to outcome- not attached to outcome" you can let go of the tight, constricting hold you have on how you want your future to look.
You have an opportunity right in this moment to say this to yourself. Wow! what a relief not to feel you have to control everything(and everyone). Take a deep breathe and breathe out slowly. You have the time now to do this.

Help for anxiety

Many people come to see me because of severe anxiety. Anxiety is such a physical experience. Your body may feel tense, your breathing may be shallow, you may be jittery, you may not be able to sit down. Along with these body sensations, your thoughts may be of fears especially about the future. These are common symptoms. This is why many people seek out a therapist who can assist them with decreasing or eliminating these fears and uncomfortable body sensations.

Interesting enough the body sensations and the thoughts and fears become a feedback loop- one feeds off the other- You think fearful thoughts- your body becomes tense and your breathing is shallow and then you think more fearful thoughts!
The first think you want to do is BECOME AWARE OF THIS FEEDBACK LOOP. The next step is starting to work on BREAKING IT! You can start by breathing deeper into your belly, slowing down your breath. You can also learn to relax your body through different relaxation exercises. The important thing to remember is that you CAN feel better. I know you can. You need to know you can.

effective help for anxiety

Anxiety can lead you to go down the road of catastrophic future thinking- afraid this is going to happen, that will happen. WE all can find ourselves down that road- I call it the "negative thought cycle" or "thought bubble" that feels like it is in control of our thoughts! You probably know what I mean.
Now think about this.. Every time you find yourself in your negative thought cycle say to yourself,
"Come back to the present,
Come back to the present,
Come back to the present."
It is only in the present where you can think more clearly.
Come into the present and start observing what is around you. Look out of a window and observe a tree, maybe see or hear the song or a bird... stay with that, in the present moment and you can pull yourself out of negative thought cycles.
It works, I assure you. If you are in my part of town and really want training in this powerful technique call me and I know I can help you feel in control of your life!

Time to renew your commitment to life without worry and depression

The beginning year is always a good time to renew your commitment to life. This past year has been hard for so many people and the stress has gone through the roof! But you are still here and every day is a new opportunity to say to yourself that you are ok and that you will slow down and be present every day.
When you worry about the future you are unable to be in the present. Worrying can cause so much stress and many people can feel depressed because they cannot stop worrying. If you say to yourself, "Come back to the present" when you find yourself worrying about the future, you can start to be more present.
I encourage you to try this, experiment CHANGING THE CONVERSATIONS YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF. This is most important. When you find yourself in the vicious cycle of continued worry try saying this simple phrase over and over. It can reboot your thinking. It really does work!

help for depression-changing your perspective

As I was hiking and running this morning I came upon two large rocks that I see on this trail every day. One rock is covered with a wonderful bright green moss, the other, because of its location is just covered with fallen leaves from the trees above. I began to acknowledge these rocks when I pass, touching them gently as I pass them. It made me think of a tale I heard lost ago about a man who felt empty, who felt there was no meaning in his life and was sitting by a stream one day. He noticed that a stream of water was constantly hitting on rock and had been doing so for many, many years and now there was an indent in the rock. He realized that even a rock can change when some force was pushing it to so he could change if he pushed himself- if he had the will, the motivation. He began to think differently about his life from that moment on and he became a very wise man.
If doesn't matter how long you have been sad, depressed, angry or defeated you CAN change when you change your perspective.

Ever wonder what a therapist actually does?

My brother has a love bird that is blind and it cannot fly. Its mate died years ago and this bird was stepped on by mistake. And my brother has this bird, who cannot see, by his side. And the bird won’t let my brother touch him even though he is blind and alone.. What a dilemma for both of them. This is what happens to us in life. We want closeness but we can’t bear to be close, we want love but we run from it. And we look out from the box of our own making, shaking ours heads because we don’t know how to fix it. That is when they may decide to see a counselor.
I see people who want better lives but are unable to see how to do it. They want to be close but they can’t, they want to feel happy but they won’t allow themselves. And they enter my office looking to me to give them something, anything, that they can take with them to help them. It seems to me sometimes a daunting task and a big responsibility.
As someone talks to me in my office on that first day I begin to get the feel for the person. I look at how they are telling me their story, what piece of their story they choose to tell me first, what piece may get left out until the very last moment of a session. All of this is important. I observe how they are sitting, how their body remains motionless or can’t stop moving as they tell me why they are in my office. I listen as they tell me their hope for our time together and the fears they have about their lives.
As they talk to me I feel patterns appearing in my head, the swirling patterns of lives lived and stories told the shocking similarities between the most different of people and the wonderful uniqueness of everyone I see. Patterns arise and a picture can appear of interconnected energies all feeding off of each other. My task is to try to separate and clarify what is really happening in that person’s life. It is most often not the thing that the person has turned to me to fix or cure. If only it were so simple.

help for depression-understanding the brain

Did you know that the brain likes the familiar? Did you ever wonder why you may notice that you do the same behaviors your parents did EVEN THOUGH you hated when they did it? well the brain got used to the interactions you had with your parents based on those behaviors and now, since the brain loves the familiar, you continue to do the SAME behaviors EVEN THOUGH they don't work in your life and the behaviors may make you depressed or anxious. As I have written many times in this blog, understanding this and becoming aware when you engage in the unsuccessful, ineffective behaviors will allow you the space to start thinking differently and actually change your brain. Remember, the brain likes the familiar, so if you begin to interact and think in a more positive way ON A REGULAR BASIS than THIS will become familiar to your brain and you will feel better,feel more successful in your life and certainly happier because things are working for you! It's all in the brain and its YOUR brain so you get to change it

Do you believe you deserve to be loved? help for depression

A few years ago a client walked into my office and said to me, "I was thinking today about how I really deserved to be loved". What a wonderful, positive thought. And of course it was true. But how many times have you thought negative thoughts like, "I am alone", No one loves me" "I don't deserve to be loved". These are common thoughts when one is depressed and feeling isolated. Negative thoughts take a life of their own and pretty soon you may be thinking the same negative thoughts over and over. These thoughts can cause further depression because what we think about affects how we see ourselves!.
So when my client walked into my office and said that they were thinking about how they deserved to be loved they were actually changing the way they thought about themselves.
Most people seek counseling because they don't feel good about themselves and they want to feel better. Thinking positively can help change the way you think about yourself. It is a powerful tool for change but it is not easy. You must be mindful when you are thinking negatively so you can change the negative thought to a positive thought. You deserve to be loved, you can be sure of that.

understanding the brain-help for depression

If you were able to look into your brain in the midst of depression or anxiety you would be able to actually see that your brain is not working optimally. The part of your brain that gives you perspective is not working correctly. You would be able to SEE why you are thinking the way you are thinking. When you are depressed, everything looks bleak. And when you think negatively a cycle is created that makes you think more negatively. And the cycle of negative thinking takes over. It is in control of you! How often have you thought, "I just can't control my negative thoughts". Well this is a common problem! The first, more important thing to do is to BECOME AWARE that you are having negative thoughts. It is amazing how often one can be in a very negative thought cycle and not even realize it!.
So being aware is the first step in changing your thoughts. And this is what you have to do and you CAN do- change your negative thinking. Becoming aware is the first step in a process of change. But I can assure you that you CAN change your negative thinking. And when you change your negative thinking your brain changes. You can have hope.

help for depression-acknowledge others

Have you ever thought about a thoughtful kind thing that some has done for you or a thoughtful thing someone has said to you and wondered," Maybe I should tell them" ... and you never get around to it? All you would have to do is pick up the phone, text this person or e-mail them and say "thanks" I am not talking about thanking someone for a big act but rather for something small, something that was said or done that was generous, kind, caring. Do you sometimes not even appreciate those small things?
These small moments are so important to appreciate and acknowledge. Especially if you are depressed or anxious you may forget, but the interesting thing about acknowledgment is that it can actually make you feel better. And since feeling acknowledged is a key part of feeling "seen" it will certainly feel good to the person you are acknowledging. I invite you try start.. you may never stop.

help for depression-understanding limits

Sometimes clients come to see me because they feel so overwhelmed in their lives. They are working full time, they have children they are caring for, more and more they are caring for their aging parents-They are very stressed but they don't even know where to begin. Something I learned a long time ago is that you cannot do everything and being everything to everyone.
What are your limits? Have you ever thought about that? Have you been taught that pushing yourself is a good thing? Well, maybe pushing oneself is a good thing because when we push ourselves we are challenging ourselves to do better and we can learn and grow and improve by this. Pushing oneself becomes a problem when you don't know when to stop, when you have spent so much time saying yes to everything and everyone that you don't know how to say No and you are afraid to say no because you don't want to disappoint anyone.
Learning to respect and understand your limits then becomes very important. Understanding that pushing yourself is positive but accepting your limits is even more important. When I say ACCEPTING your limits I do mean ACCEPTING because having limits that you are regretting or feeling bad or guilty about is just as stressful and unhealthy as not setting limits at all.
Part of being able to set and accept limits and about ACCEPTING YOURSELF as you are. Doing more more more is not better. You are OK the way you are.
Listen to your body- the stress of doing more and more weighs heavily on bodies literally-Do you eat more when you are stressed? Do you exercise? Do you take time to relax? Do you feel you DESERVE time to yourself? When you ACCEPT your limits this means you are stopping to take a breath and look around at this precious life. Once you stop, take a breathe, take one thing at a time the grip of "overwhelmness" has on you will loosen and you can begin to feel more in control of your life.

help for depression

Some people begin psychotherapy with the hope of becoming happy. But happiness can not be forced. Happiness is the result of changes one can make in one's life. What are important elements of change? Being in the present is most important. Being clear that the past cannot be changed and worrying about the future is a waste of precious time and energy can help you be in the present. Appreciating this present moment.... This is a good beginning... And looking at your life the way it truly is- not the way you yearn for it to be, are afraid that it is or wish it could be. How can you do this? Start by considering that the story you have about your life, that you tell yourself and others- MAY NOT BE TRUE!. Most of us think we are WHAT YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER TOLD YOU. Just because they said it doesn't make it true. You get to write your own story about who you are!
When you understand that the WAY YOU THINK ABOUT THINGS impacts how you feel and you have the power to change the way you thing about yourself, others and your relationships. This is very powerful in helping you change the way you feel.
When you can be present, write your own true story of who you are and understand that you have the power to change your thoughts....happiness can follow because you have made room for it- It is waiting for you.

the sandwich generation- help for depression

Are you part of the "sandwich generation"? This is the generation who is caring for their children as well as their parents... thus the expression,"sandwich". The most common feelings I hear from clients are the feeling of being overwhelmed and the feeling of being helpless. We are all so busy these days and it is not surprising that we may feel overwhelmed, helpless, stressed and sometimes depressed. What can you do about this? Well, with regard to your parents.. Are you a kind an loving child? Are you taking care of them to the best of your ABILITY? Are you taking care of YOURSELF? All these things are important. Taking care of yourself, continuing to have joy in your life is essential... otherwise you risk becoming a martyr.
All you have is today... Have you been kind and caring today to both your loved ones and yourself? If you haven't you can begin NOW. If you can say to yourself that you are kind to yourself today and kind to your loved ones, you can feel satisfied because the act of being kind can give great meaning to your life.

help for depression- in the face of suffering

My mother is out of the hospital but she is not out of the woods. I think of how important it is to be present with those we love- never forgetting to acknowledge our love, our empathy... and be present with our suffering when we see our loved one suffer because it is a fact of life. Suffering is part of life but it is not all of life. If we are present each moment, savoring life, savoring all that we have, our friendships, relationships, our health, our ability to get around, our ability to look up to the sky and see the birds, to hear them sing, to see the clouds form and change, to feel the wind against our skin, to close our eyes with gratitude that we are alive... we have this opportunity right now, even if there is sadness, loss, depression, anxiety we can all take a deep breathe .... do this now .... feel your aliveness - it is a true gift we are given- this aliveness, breathe and take it in, our beautiful gift we have been given.

we have an obligation to live-inspite of suffering

My mother has been the hospital for 2 weeks. Because of the consequences of diabetes she had both herleft leg and her right leg amputated. She survives. She choked on food and almost died and she survives. why do we want to live in this world? We often find that our will to live comes from knowing that other people love us and need us.
when we are depressed we forget all that but I am hear to tell you that knowing someone loves you is all you need to get past the most horrible physical and emotional pain in your life. sing the praises of love and be love, act love become love and you will survive.